Life is complex. It is what it is. Good moments, challenging moments, sad moments. You might want to just pause, whether it's to stop and enjoy or take a break from the hard times. But you can't. Life just keeps on going. I've spent a year keeping a blog about my health and the adventures I have gone through trying to heal myself. In the end, I learned that my body has changed and I just need to accept it. It's a hard lesson to learn. Life goes on. But, life does go on. And when you realize you just have to roll with those punches, you can start to see the joy and excitement. You can focus on the great events and moments and feel better. I didn't die; no more than you or anyone else is dying at least.
Not only did I survive this past year. I repaired and improved my relationships with the Lord, my dad and myself. I also met a wonderful man who I plan to marry in the very near future. I had medical insurance, even thought it was only for a few months. In that short time frame I tried a new medication that seems to be helping and I think I can get enough medication (affordable without insurance) until I get new medical insurance. It's really helped with the focusing, the dizziness and many of the headaches. So awesome! I look forward to starting school again soon after a little more testing to be sure this isn't temporary improvement (this happened a lot in the past couple years). Our roommate has decided to move out, which presented an interesting opportunity for us. I think we will be trying to move up to North Orange County and getting our own apartment. It could be a very good opportunity and I'm excited. Recently we realized I am allergic to my wedding ring. I'm kind of sad but since I'm on a roll of taking these problems and finding new opportunities, well, I can't wait to see what good is going to come from this. I'm sure it will be something good as I trust the Lord will continue to take good care of us.
I think the hardest lesson I have learned is that everything changes and it will be okay. My own body has changed and I'm still learning about my limitations and how to accept it and cope with it. It's just shocking to know something is different, I guess. Examples, sometimes my feet just kill me and I can hardly walk now, sometimes I have headaches so bad that I have to stay in bed in a dark room and sometimes I turn red and swell up like a blow fish. I know the feet pain is temporary and will go away. I know that the headaches will force me to rest and will go away. I know the red swelling body will calm back down and I will survive. Simple adjustments and I'm okay.
Anyway, from now on I'm going to try to focus on identifying the obstacles, finding and implementing a solution and not getting disappointed. Instead, I'm going to do my best to enjoy the good that comes from all of this.
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